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A Marriage Needs Laughter
By Ellen Kreidman, Ph.D.
I'm sure that your marriage could stand to have a little more fun and be a lot less serious. Often sheer playfulness will cause us to laugh harder than a funny story ever could. In my mind, playfulness includes all of those things you might have done as a kid: snowball fights, pillow fights, tag, hide-and-seek, tickling, dancing and even wrestling. Partners who can be playful with each other have a better chance of staying married than couples who aren't playful.
One of the best laughs I personally ever had was when my husband and I engaged in a round of "Big-Time Wrestling." My husband is six foot two and weighs 195 pounds. I'm five foot six and weigh 125 pounds soaking wet. So many years ago, when I told him that I was going to pin him to the floor so he couldn't get up, you can imagine his terror.
I told him he needed to play by my rules. He had to lie on his back with his arms at his sides, bent at the elbows, and palms up.
"Go for it," he said.
I sat on top of him with my knees pinning his upper arms and my hands holding down his wrists. Right off the bat, I sensed he wasn't trying that hard. So I said, "Come on, you can do better than that, you wimp!" That did it. He got serious and started to really try to lift me up. So then I got serious and tried harder to hold him down, grimacing with the strain.
When he saw the determined look on my face, he knew he was in a war. He started straining himself and that started me laughing. He let out a loud grunt, which made me laugh even harder. Then, with a burst of energy, he was able to turn me over and get on top of me. By now we were both laughing hysterically, wrapped in each other's arms, rolling on the floor.
That little wrestling match remains very vivid in my memory. Life can be so serious so much of the time. By letting go of stress and being playful, we add years to our life and memories that last forever.
I love collecting funny stories and this one was definitely a keeper. It comes from a man who took my advice seriously.
Dear Dr. Ellen,
Your program for men was just what I was looking for to get my marriage of twenty-six
years out of the pits. You said you liked to collect stories, so here's how I tried to
be less predictable and boring.
My wife and I had just returned from the Bay Area, where we watched sailboats
and visited gift shops as part of a mini-vacation. When we got home, my wife
worked on her students' report cards in our home office, while I decorated the living room using a sailing theme. I put a blue sheet over the windows for privacy and had it represent the sky. I hauled our mattress from the bedroom and put an oversized beach towel which had the theme of sailboats on it. Then I lit scented candles and placed them nearby. When everything was ready, I took off my clothes, hung three Ping-Pong balls by a string from my "you-know-what," went into our office and presented myself to my wife. I tapped her on the shoulder and when she looked up at me, I said, "You're right. I really am oversexed." Her laughter filled the room as I took her hand and showed her the living room. We pretended we were on board a sailing yacht on the bay at night, just the captain and his first mate, alone under the stars. I proceeded to give her a long massage with scented oil and was very well rewarded for my efforts.
Our do-it-only-in-the-bedroom routine turned into an imaginary voyage that has burned a memory into our minds forever.
Sincerely, Captain on Board (used to be bored)
If you have a story to add to my collection, please write to me and let me know if I can put it on my website. I think that most marriages could stand a little more laughter, playfulness and imagination.
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