Dear Dr. Ellen: My ex-wife was the one who asked me for a divorce 2 years ago and now she wants to get back together again. I am 38 and she is 37. We don't have any kids (her decision) and during our 10 year marriage, she has had at least 3 affairs that I know about. I found out from friends when we got divorced that the men drank a lot, didn't treat her well and were verbally abusive. I always treated her well. I helped with the housework, bought her presents, took her out to dinner and was a loyal and responsible husband. I forgave her each time and it wasn't me that ultimately wanted the divorce. She thought she had once again found true love but the guy left her. All my friends think I'm crazy to even consider getting back together again but I still love her and want to make it work. Do you think that there is any chance it could? I value your opinion and will take whatever you say, to heart. - Patrick.

Dear Patrick: The type of woman you are describing has probably been through so much trauma in her life that she doesn't feel worthy of a good man. You sound like you are one of those good men! I have heard your story so many times that I could have predicted your present situation with almost 99% accuracy. There's always that 1% that will surprise me but most of the time when a man tells me that he is in love with a woman who has had many relationships with men who have treated her poorly, I know that deep within her, no matter how she appears, she has little or no self-esteem and was most likely either abused or abandoned as a child. Since her earliest experiences with love meant pain, turmoil, disappointment, chaos and heartbreak, it feels comfortable and familiar when she meets a man who represents all of those early feelings. When she first met you, on the surface, you may have seemed like one of those men that she is usually attracted to - unpredictable, unavailable and uninterested in her romantically. Once you fell in love with her, she saw your passion, affection, honesty and loyalty that are all traits that she wasn't used to and felt uncomfortable with them. The more she saw her life as stable, respectful and predictable, the more uncomfortable she became.

She is still at the point in her life where she is probably only attracted to men who will disappoint her and prove over and over how worthless she feels inside. She has a lot of work to do on herself before she understands that she deserves to be loved and that love is supposed to feel good and not something that continually disappoints her.

Because she has not undergone any type of therapy or listened to a program like mine, once you got back together, it would only a matter of time before she would once again create chaos in your life. She would love the challenge of getting close to you and once again you will be a couple for a short time and then she'll get bored. She is only interested in what she can't have. If you get involved with her again, you'll destroy any chance you have of finding true happiness because she knows how to pull your strings. Without new information, history just keeps repeating itself. As for you, I know that you are hurting and lonely but you have your whole life ahead of you. You deserve to find a woman who loves you with all her heart and soul and don't you dare settle for anything less!