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Relationship Counseling: I'm ashamed of my behavior
Dear Dr. Ellen: I did the dumbest thing 2 weeks ago. I went to an office party, had too much to drink and had sex with someone I work with. I work with a lot of men and I can tell that he must have bragged to everyone about what we did. Why do men feel the need to tell other men about their sexual encounters? I feel horrible enough, but to know that other people now know makes me feel sick. - Mary
Dear Mary: I hope you have learned your lesson and don't repeat the same mistakes twice.
I've been told many times that if you listen to any locker-room talk in a high school, and boys will ask each other, "Did you get anything last night?" "Did you score?" Did you conquer her?" These are not tender, loving questions. They are very selfish, immature questions, yet many, many men of all ages operate on this level, consciously and unconsciously, until they truly fall in love. Men talk about sex because they are they are biological in nature and are very comfortable with their bodies and their physical reaction to women. It is usually a man who ultimately teaches a woman that her body is beautiful and something to be proud of and enjoy. He also teaches her to become more physical, to enjoy sex, to relax and have fun. This is so natural to a man because most of his life he reacts in a physical way. A man gets sexually aroused by looking at magazines, x-rated movies, or long legs. His response is immediate, and his reactions tend to be physical. He doesn't mind talking about it because it is a big part of his life.
It is only when he gets into a serious relationship that he begins to feel differently. Since women tend to be more psychological in nature, she is the one that teaches a man tenderness, understanding, sensitivity and patience. When he truly loves a woman, he automatically becomes more tender and loving and he is no longer willing to share the
intimacy that he is feeling. He is more protective of their love life. A man talking about what happened is the result of you having casual, meaningless sex with this man. It was a conquest and nothing more. I hope that you will realize that you deserve better than that. Make yourself a promise that you will wait until you find a man who wants to share his life with you. - Dr. Ellen
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