| |
Relationship Problems Solved Using Dr. Ellen's Programs. Over 1 Million Sold. As Seen On Oprah, Montel, Sally, The View. Solving Marital Problems Guaranteed Or Your Money Back!
Couples Counseling: Boyfriend jealous of her child
Dear Dr. Ellen: I am dating a 28 year old guy and I am 26. I have a daughter who is six years old from a previous marriage. I've been single for a while and decided to try and have a relationship.
Well, we are dating exactly two months now, but I feel unhappy. I feel confused, because I don't know if I am doing the right thing or not. The guy that I am seeing is a perfectionist, and criticizes me a great deal. My daughter is a quiet child, naughty? Yes! But not rude. She loves attention, but she is not selfish and she likes to get as much attention from someone as they are giving to me.
This guy's sister has a child and she always fights. She swears terribly as well. She is a wonderful child, but always fights with my daughter. My daughter doesn't like it because she is not the fighting type. I tell my daughter not hit her back, to just stay out of her way
but I can see my child is unhappy when I go to Richard's (my boyfriend) place. She wants people to pay attention to her, play with her and talk to her. She can always play by herself, but she would rather be involved with what we are doing.
So one day, Richard insulted my child and told me that he is not dating her, but me and from now on she must stay at home so we can spend time together alone. I spoke to my daughter and I asked her if she likes him and she said yes. What she always says and specifically that day is, "Mommy, I want a daddy, a daddy that will play with me, be there for me, love me and you and do everything for me, cause Mommy, I can see that you are doing everything for me." That's all she asks for.
Now when I go to visit him, I leave my daughter at home and I hate the feeling and I am not happy, but I like Richard and I want this relationship to work. The other thing is: He is possessive and accuses me of him cheating on him, which is not true. He assumes things and accuses me of lying. I even asked my male friends to just stay away for a while and that they must understand, but I decided not to anymore.
Well, Dr. Ellen there is so much, but I would love for you to reply to my email. Not just what I want to hear, but the truth. - Sharon
Dear Sharon: From what you described, this man has all symptoms of an abusive man. Men who abuse their wives always start out very possessive and jealous in the beginning. I very rarely give this kind of advice, but you had better break up the relationship NOW or you may be facing a stalker in a few more months. Your daughter has only you to protect her and how dare a man who you have only known for 2 months, insult her and tell you that she is not to be included on any of your dates. You are not confused at all. You know in your heart that this man is not someone that will be a "daddy" to your child.
After 2 months a man should be trying to win your daughter's heart, not break it. A six year old does want a daddy but this man is going to bring nothing but heartache and pain.
Some women think that jealousy is proof of a man's love. It is not. In reality, it is proof of insecurity, and an insecure man eventually becomes impossible to live with. When two people care about each other there has to be trust between them as well as an appreciation and respect. The other point I must bring up is that most of the time when someone accuses another person of being unfaithful or untrustworthy, it is a sign that they themselves are that way. He is projecting his own faults and shortcomings onto you. You have probably made some poor choices in the past. Don't let this be another one. Trust in your own instinct. It is already telling you that this man will not make you or your daughter happy. - Dr. Ellen
To solve your marriage problems without marriage counseling, visit Dr. Ellen's marriage counseling home page
| |
