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Relationship Counseling: Having trouble getting second dates
Dear Dr. Ellen: For the past 5 years I've been dating with disastrous results. I have a wonderful job, earn a comfortable living, and have been told that I am attractive and intelligent. So why do I not get a second date or even a phone call from the guys I go out with? - Nora
Dear Nora: A man falls in love because of the way he feels about himself when he is with a woman and when he doesn't feel good anymore he will find another woman that makes him feel good about himself. That's what an affair is about. It's not that he's in love with the other woman. What he's really in love with is the way he feels about himself when he's with the other woman. Now let's look at how this principle applies to you as a single person. I talk to a lot of people who are single and most of the time, before they go out on a date, they're worried about making a good impression. They think, "I hope he or she finds me intelligent. I hope she thinks I'm funny. I hope he thinks I'm sexy, good-looking, etc. I tell them that this isn't about you. If your date feels important, special, smart, sexy, funny and good about themselves, then, guess what? There's going to be a second and a third date and they'll probably want to spend the rest of their life with you. The men I've interviewed have all agreed that once they fell in love, they felt stronger, sexier, more capable, more intelligent and more important than they had ever felt about themselves before this special woman came into their life. So the next time you go out, I want you to ask yourself, did I make my date feel good about who he is? Was I interested in what he was saying? Did I laugh at his jokes? Did I compliment him in some way? If you answered, "yes" to all the above, there is no doubt in my mind that your phone will be ringing off the hook! - Ellen
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