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Relationship Counseling: Self-esteem issues
Dear Dr. Ellen: Whenever my boyfriend and I are out on the town, I am constantly comparing myself to other women that I see. If I see a woman who I think my boyfriend might find more attractive, I feel like I don't measure up. He says that he loves me and only me, so why do I feel so inadequate? I also do this when looking at magazines or watching TV. I sit and think, "I bet he thinks she is gorgeous and skinny. He's probably thinking I'm really fat right now." Is this abnormal? He never says anything to me like,
"Do you think that guy is better looking than me or has a better body?" Help! - Sammy
Dear Sammy: We've all been exposed to such unrealistic ideals of the human form and face that it takes a superhuman effort to overcome the fear of being less than perfect. Perfect faces and perfect bodies are everywhere we look. Magazines, TV and movies all glorify perfectly sculptured faces and hard bodies. As we get older, many of us fear that we will no longer be physically attractive to our mates. After all, we reason, how could someone love our wrinkles, flabby skin, and aging bodies? The truth is, love doesn't fade as we age. In fact, it's just the opposite. When you really love someone, you love them from the inside out. His or her internal beauty increases and deepens with age. Every line, wrinkle, and stretch mark represents the precious time you've been together and the memories you've shared. By accepting your body with all its flaws, you accept yourself. Believe me, you are not alone in your struggle to "measure up." Consider yourself lucky
to have found someone who really loves you and know that he is telling the truth. To a man in love, you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Every time you get a negative thought, talk back to yourself and concentrate on what you do have, not what you are lacking. - Dr. Ellen
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