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Relationship Advice: I envy everyone else
Dear Dr. Ellen: I am a very jealous person and walk around envying everyone else. I look at magazines and want the bodies that the models have. I look at my job and dream about a more glamorous one. I wish I had parents who had loved each other enough
to stay together. I don't live where I want or have the things I want. I am depressed everyday and don't know what to do about it. - Penny
Dear Penny: There are a small percentage of people who have a wonderful life and everything in the world to be grateful for and yet they can't seem to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. They have a chemical imbalance in their brain and need medical help. However, it is my belief that many people like you are depressed because they continually concentrate on what's lacking in their life. On a daily basis you are thinking about how you can never measure up, what you don't have, what you are not accomplishing and how you are less than your imagined ideal person. The key to happiness is appreciating what you do have and then setting some future goals that really excite you. Depression is often a signal that it's time to make some changes in your life.
Most of the time our thoughts create our mood. The key to being happy is to take a few minutes out of each day and really think about how miraculous your life really is. For the next week when you wake up, before you do anything else, I want you to read the following out loud:
- Are you breathing on your own? There are people at this moment who need a respirator to help them breathe.
- When you got up this morning, were you able to hear the alarm go off? Could you hear the birds singing, the wind blowing, the heat or air-conditioning going on? There are people who are deaf and can't do that.
- Are you able to talk? Can you scream, whisper, or sing a song? There are people who will never be able to use their vocal cords.
- Look around you. Can you see the clouds, the blue sky, the grass, the flowers and the trees? There are people who see only darkness. They are blind and cannot see nature's beauty.
- How about your legs? Can you walk, skip, jump, hop and crawl? There are people who are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of their lives.
- Did you have enough money to buy food today? Most of the world doesn't have welfare, food stamps or social security. In fact, one-third of the people in the world will go to bed hungry tonight.
- Do you have a home to live in? All over the world, there are men, women and children who are homeless.
- Do you have bills to pay? That means that someone was willing to trust you enough to give you a product or service in advance of getting paid. There are many people who have no credit and cannot get anything without cash in their hands.
- Do you have a savings account? That means you were able to put some extra money away for a rainy day. There are so many people who don't have enough money to get through today.
Just think how lucky you are to be able to use your lips for kissing, your arms for hugging, your ears for listening, your voice for talking and your body for making love.
Then I want you to repeat the Serenity Prayer - "God give me the strength to change the things I can and accept the things I can't and the wisdom to know the difference." You have no control over what your parents did, but the possibilities for your future are endless. You can get a higher education for a better paying job. You can move to a nicer place by getting a roommate and sharing expenses. You can diet and exercise so that you
look and feel YOUR best. Those are the things you can control.
Now it's time to begin a wonderful new day with gratitude in your heart and some new goals in your head! - Dr. Ellen.
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