Dear Dr. Ellen: I would like to know - what is romance? You see, my wife has told me that I should be more romantic, and instead of ignoring her, I decided to give it a try. I said to my wife "So tell me what kind of romantic things you like so I can do them." Her reply was "If I tell you that such and such is romantic, and then you do that, then it won't be romantic anymore." Help. Please explain this romance thing to me. - Darren

Dear Darren: I always tell women to stop thinking men have ESP and can read your mind. Women are very intuitive and can read someone's mind but most men don't have a clue and have to be told what you want. They really do appreciate knowing what turns you on. If you are lucky enough to have a man that asks you what romantic things he can do for you, tell him! When I taught men's classes, I used to put the word, "ROMANCE" on the blackboard and ask them if they thought of themselves as romantic. Most of them thought I was asking them if they were good in bed. Of course, they all said, "yes". But to a woman, romance is spending time with her. When I put the word "ROMANCE" on the board in my women's class, the comments were about dancing close together, cuddling, holding hands while talking long walks, candlelight dinners, etc. In other words, most men are X-rated, and most women are PG. Men need sexual fulfillment in order to respond to a woman emotionally and women need emotional fulfillment in order to respond sexually. So, my advice to you is to ask your wife for a date next Saturday night. Take her out to dinner and a show. Come back home and put on some romantic music and ask her to dance. Run a bubble bath for her and tell her to relax and take as much time as she needs and when she's ready, you'll brush her hair and give her a massage from head to toe. That's romance! - Dr. Ellen