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Relationship Counseling: In dating, how important are looks?
Dear Dr. Ellen: All the advice columns I read reports that women say physical looks are not their top priority. I don't believe this is true. The women I ask out all have the same rejection line, "You're really nice and sweet but I would rather be with someone who is at least a little cute". I later overheard them saying that they're afraid of what their family and friends would say. I guess the women believe that "CUTE" is the deciding factor in going out with a guy even though he may be is selfish, shallow, and stupid. Since no one has any control over their race, they don't have any control over their facial features.
The question I have is, how can I bypass the looks in attracting and asking out a woman? I tried online e-mail personal ad communication, but when she did meet me it was the same thing, "no cute-no date". There has got to be some technique. I think I tried just about every one except reverting back to the "cave man days". You know, big club, pull hair, etc. - Chris
Dear Chris: First of all, anyone who says, "I'd rather be with someone who is a little cute," is shallow, cruel and definitely not someone you want to be with. You may be right that initially people are attracted to someone's looks. But if you look around you'll see that "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder." Unlike what we see on TV and the movies, most people are not super gorgeous or handsome. In fact, the majority of people on this
planet are very ordinary looking. What makes a person extraordinary and attractive is their personality. What shines from the inside is what we are attracted to in the long run.
Most women find that men who radiate confidence are appealing and sexy. Also, a good sense of humor means more to most women than looks. There are many male movie stars who are not good-looking that have beautiful women by their side. They radiate confidence, have a great sense of humor or both. Passion is another trait that we all find attractive. A person can be passionate about saving the environment, feeding the hungry, working with children, or any social cause. Usually there's a lot of chemistry when you meet someone who shares your passion. Doing things that develop you as a human being, and "turn you on" like travel, sports, photography, theater, music, etc. make you so much more well-rounded and attractive to the opposite sex.
As for the physical part, it's true that you can't change your facial features. But there are things you do have control over. Your hair can be styled to reflect your best features. Your teeth can be whitened so that you radiate an attractive smile. You can make sure that you are dressed well. Ask a woman friend who you trust to give you a good makeover. If you already possess many of the traits I've talked about, then you just haven't met the right woman yet. The more you keep working on becoming a better human being, the better your chances of meeting someone who is worthy of your
love. I guarantee, she's out there developing herself and just waiting until she meets you as well. - Dr. Ellen.
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