| |
Relationship Problems Solved Using Dr. Ellen's Programs. Over 1 Million Sold. As Seen On Oprah, Montel, Sally, The View. Solving Marital Problems Guaranteed Or Your Money Back!
Relationship Counseling: Internet fiancee has a change of heart
Dear Dr. Ellen: I am 33 years old and live in Australia. Two years ago I met my fiancee on the Internet. She lives in the Ukraine. We met physically 6 months later and got engaged and had a fabulous time. Since July of last year I have been out of work with not even a phone at home which made it hard to communicate even over the Internet. I resorted to going to the local library and Internet cafe's to send her emails. My fiancee doesn't like writing much and so her emails were short and general, whereas I am a detailed person. Now, in the last couple of months, I found a job making good money and was saving to bring my fiancee here. We were back communicating every day on the phone. I talked to her last night and she said she wanted to end our relationship. She asked me not to email or call her anymore. She said that I am such a wonderful person who gives so much of me. She loves me but not passionately and not enough to be my wife. I love her dearly and want to be with her and marry her and I know deep down she feels the same even though on the surface she is afraid of something. What do I need to do to win her back? Do I give her space, and for how long? Do I fight for us and what I believe to be our destiny? I am so confused. - Jon
Dear Jon: It may be that after thinking about your relationship, she felt that the long distance was too much of an obstacle and moving to another country to be with you was more than she could handle. Since she has had a long time to think about what she really
wants in life, she may feel that e-mails, phone calls and uprooting herself is not as desirable as finding someone who lives close by that she can have a relationship with. She's having second thoughts, which is understandable when there is so much at stake. There is nothing you can do right now because she's not giving you a choice. She's not asking, she's telling you that she'd rather not continue this relationship. I know that it hurts to hear that but you are better off dealing with the reality of what she said, than the fantasy you have that she really doesn't mean what she says. When someone says, "Do
not to write or call me anymore." I'd say that is a very clear message. She may change her mind in 6 months or a year and try to contact you again but right now she wants to cut it off. You have to respect that. If you don't and you continue to call or email, she will only see you as needy, dependent and desperate. You want her love and not her pity. It would be exhausting and demoralizing for you to try and convince her that she really does want to be your wife when she has stated that "she loves you, but not passionately, and not enough to be your wife." I know it will be difficult for you to get on with your life for a while. Give yourself permission to grieve. This is like a death and it will take time to heal. How much time is completely up to you. I've heard from thousands of men and women who have been through what you've been through and years later when they finally meet someone new, they are so glad that they didn't marry the one who broke their heart. - Dr. Ellen
To solve your marriage problems without marriage counseling, visit Dr. Ellen's marriage counseling home page
| |
