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Relationship Counseling: Living a balanced life
Dear Dr. Ellen: My fiancee just called off our wedding because as she put it, "I'm sick and tired of your job always being more important than me."
We've been together for 3 years and I don't believe this is happening. I love what I do. I am very ambitious and feel that I have a great future with my company. I'm 29 years old and feel that this is the time to hit it hard and give my career everything I've got. I know that if I told her that I won't work so hard she'd probably stay but it would be a lie. I love her but I also love my career. How can I choose one or the other? - Ben
Dear Ben: It is so important to live a well-balanced life. So many times we put all of our effort and energy into our professional life and wonder why our personal life has so much turmoil in it. Ambition can lead to money, power and sometimes even fame, but often people find out that the price they pay is too high. Remember, no one on his or her death bed has ever said, "I should have spent more time at the office, or I should have worked more overtime." What you are going to say is, "I should have had more fun and I should have told and shown the people I love how much they mean to me." I don't want you to live a life of regrets!
Some people see their worth only in terms of the money they've earned or the success they've achieved. Sooner or later they learn that unless they can balance their earning power with their "playing power," they will lose their mates, family, friends, and most importantly, themselves. Don't lose this woman. All work and no play makes you an unbalanced person and not much fun to be around. What's the point of making all this money if you don't have someone to share it with that loves you.
Another point I'd like to make is that so many people postpone happiness. They say:
Someday, when I have more money, Someday, when I have more time, Someday, when I lose some weight, Someday, when I'm less stressed, ...then I'll concentrate on my personal life.
Because I deal with so many people, I see those "somedays" never happening because of illness, death or divorce. Give yourself permission to do the following:
- Take time to plan a weekend getaway.
- Take time to watch a sunrise or sunset with her.
- Take time to appreciate the beauty in nature by talking a walk together.
- Take time to listen to the birds sing.
- Take time to feel the warm sunshine.
- Take time to sit on the grass and have a picnic.
- Take time to stop and smell a flower.
Give yourself permission to relax, retreat from daily obligations, and daydream about the life you want to build together. It will not only balance all that ambition you have, but it will give you a more rewarding and fulfilling life. Let her know how important she is to you and put her on your calendar! After all, you put your clients on the calendar, doctor and dentist appointments on the calendar and I'll bet you even put your car maintenance on the calendar. She deserves the same. - Dr. Ellen.
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