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My husband has trouble with communication
Dear Dr. Ellen - My husband has had a problem with communication ever since I met him. I am an extremely talkative person and find it easy to share my feelings. I know he loves me but he never is able to verbalize his feelings. How can I get him to open up more and save my marriage? I'm tired of only hearing myself talk. - Christy
Dear Christy - You can save your marriage by loving your husband for who he is, not someone you want him to be. Any problem you may have with his communication is not necessarily caused by your differences, but by a lack of appreciation or understanding of those differences. Your husband's inability to verbalize his feelings has nothing to do with the intensity of his feelings. Just because he is not comfortable talking, doesn't mean he feels any less passionately than you do. I'm sure in the beginning of your relationship your different styles didn't concern you. He was probably a very private person right from the start. You, on the other hand, were probably a verbal, outgoing person right from the beginning. You fell in love with this man and my guess is that he hasn't changed. A couple usually falls in love as a result of the quality time they spend talking together. They don't pay attention to who began the conversation or who had more to say. What they do notice is how comfortable they are with each other, how safe they feel sharing their opinions, interests, backgrounds, careers, likes, dislikes, goals, dreams, hopes, fears and disappointments. Neither judges the other at this point. All they know is that they feel loved, accepted and understood. In order for you to feel warm, close and connected he doesn't have to change his communication style but you both have to start spending quality time together so you can get back to feeling like lovers again. You have to carve out 30 minutes from your schedules every day to spend time talking just to your mate. Tape #3 in the Light His Fire Audio Program and tape #3 in the Light Her Fire Audio Program called, "Communication", will help to motivate both of you to spend that quality time together and fix your communication issues. Encourage him to talk by asking open-ended questions. For example, instead of saying, "Did you have a good day"? which only requires only a yes or no answer, say, "Tell me about your day." Don't put him down for not communicating but rather set up the conditions that encourage communication. Keep distractions to a minimum. Close off the outside world by turning off the television, turning off the ringer on your phone, or going to a quiet room and shutting the door. Try to see all of your mate's traits in the same loving light as you did in the beginning of your relationship. - Dr. Ellen
To solve your marriage problems or relationship problems without marriage counseling, visit Dr. Ellen's home page at www.lightyourfire.com
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