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We argue over my looking at other women
Dear Dr. Ellen - I've only been married for a year and we keep arguing over the same thing. My wife gets really upset when I look at nude women in magazines or look at other women when we are out together. I think you'll agree that most men like doing both those things and there is nothing wrong with it. How can I convince my wife that I'm just a normal red-blooded male and she shouldn't get upset? - David
Dear David - You're right; most men do enjoy looking at beautiful women and get pleasure out of seeing nude women in magazines. However, once a man falls in love and gets married, there is more than himself to consider. My definition of true love is, "When someone else's happiness and well-being is just as important as your own." Your wife has told you how unhappy your behavior makes her feel and you want me to help you convince her that her feelings are wrong. I can't do that. The truth is that if you continue this behavior, your wife will turn into an angry, cold and bitter woman.
A mature and loving man knows that he has to sacrifice certain things for the sake of a marriage. When you become parents there are even more sacrifices for the sake of the children. You may want to "party" till 4:00 A.M. but if you are a responsible and loving parent, you know that your child needs you to be alert the next day, so you don't! If looking at nude women and flirting with strangers hurts your partner, then you simply control your impulse and don't do it! By the way, there's no one that can stop you from looking at other women when she's not with you, but out of love and respect for your wife and marriage, you should learn to concentrate on her when you are together. In Light Her Fire, tape #2 called "Understanding women", will give you a great deal of insight as to what a woman needs for her to feel truly loved. - Dr. Ellen
To solve your marriage problems or relationship problems without marriage counseling, visit Dr. Ellen's home page at www.lightyourfire.com
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