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All I want is peace and quiet
Dear Dr. Ellen - Please help! I'm a salesman by profession and all day long I try to earn a living. I discuss, I evaluate, I critique, and I talk. I really don't feel like coming home and doing more of the same. My wife, on the other hand, practically attacks me at the door and wants to talk. How can I make her understand that all I want is peace and quiet? I think I deserve that! - Neil
Dear Neil - I think a big difference between men and women is that women seem to enjoy conversation for its own sake. It's an end in itself. There are no ulterior motives. Most men, on the other hand, seem to engage in conversation as a means to an end. I know you had no problem talking when you were first dating because you had a goal in mind. You wanted her to find you desirable. So, you were charming, witty, and paid a lot of attention to her. You were interested in what she had to say. Once you knew that you had won her over, there was no the need to continue to do all those things. But, you are wrong! I understand that you want to relax when you come home, and you do deserve time alone but you also have to take your wife's feelings into consideration. It is not enough for her to have a man that says, "I'm home, aren't I. What more do you want?" If you think that your gift to your wife is giving her the chance to watch you eat, sleep and sit in front of the TV, you're in for a big surprise. She has every right to want the same man that she fell in love with, the one who took the time to let her know how special she was, how interesting she was to talk to. So, I want you to listen to tape #3 and carve out 30 minutes a day to talk. Decide on a time that's convenient for both of you. I just don't want it to be a monologue. It has to be a time when both of you share your day with each other; 15 minutes for you and 15 minutes for her. She'll be thrilled if you tell her that when you come home, you need a few minutes to unwind but then at 8, 9, 10 o'clock, whatever time you decide, you'll spend 30 minutes of uninterrupted time with her. Benefits will come back to you in many, many ways. - Dr. Ellen
To solve your marriage problems or relationship problems without marriage counseling, visit Dr. Ellen's home page at www.lightyourfire.com
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