My First Blog

No Regrets

Over the years, people have given me many titles, especially when they introduced me on many radio and TV shows. The three that have stuck and the ones that I am most proud of, are "America's #1 Marriage Expert," "The Fairy Godmother of Relationships," and the "Expert's Expert". If someone had told me a year ago that I would be adding "blogger" to one of my titles, I would have thought they needed their head examined. Although I am very vocal and opinionated on just about every topic you can think of, my focus and passion is offering men and women an alternative to marriage counseling. So, what could I possibly talk about besides that? The answer came as I began working with a wonderful SEO company called SEOMoves headed by John Wieber.

John said, "Just talk about anything you would like - if it is marriage counseling and your feelings about it or your programs that are available, so be it." I thought, "I can definitely do that!" So is with great pleasure that I am going to begin this first blog, explaining to you why I keep doing what I'm doing.

Several years ago I produced an infomercial for TV. The production company traveled the United States interviewing people who had listen to my programs. The people were chosen for their success stories because of the letters they had written to me about the incredible changes that had taken place in their lives as a result of my programs. Two weeks after the infomercial was filmed, I received a letter from Harriet, who had appeared on the show with her warm, loving husband.

Imagine my sorrow when I read the following:

I am sorry to inform you that my husband died suddenly this past March 11th from heart failure. I want you to know that I will be forever grateful for your wisdom. The information we learned helped us share partnerships, priorities, passions, and romance in a dimension we had never known before. Your program had a lifestyle-changing revelation for both my husband and myself.

We have known each other since the third grade, and have been married for thirty-four years. There has never been anyone else in our lives, and yet we felt our relationship had come out of a dark musty cellar, and into the light of a warm summer day.

I will miss the joy of his smile, his gentle love and warmth and safety of his embrace. I will always cherish the love we shared and the memories we created together for each other, over the last five months, because of your program. He gave me enough love to last a lifetime.

Thank you for sharing your gift of teaching love and romance with those of us in need.

With a grateful heart - THANK YOU.

Harriet gave me permission to print her letter with the hope that people who read it will realize that the time to make things better is now. We just don't know how much time we have together and that is why I continue to do what I do.

Some of you have listened to my programs and have never followed through with the homework assignments that were give you. Perhaps you've told yourself that you're too tired, too busy, too overweight, too old, or too scared to try these things. You say that you'll try these things next week, next month, next year. We always think we have tomorrow. In fact, some of you live your life according to Mark Twain's quote, "Never put off till tomorrow, what you can do the day after tomorrow." Listen to me when I say, Do not put your relationship on hold for another minute. The truth is that the person you love may not have tomorrow. Because I know that from the depths of my soul, I keep doing what I am doing so that people don't have to look back on their lives and think, I shoulda, woulda, coulda, done this. As it is, I get so upset when I hear someone say, "If I had listened to your programs years ago, I would never have gotten divorced in the first place." I can't change your past, but I sure can help you change your present and future!

The Bottom Line

One of the coping skills that has always kept me going in my own life is, that I've always had a "bottom line." Whenever things got out of hand and I became overwrought, I'd say to myself, "Look, Ellen, the bottom line is, this is not a life-and-death situation, so just calm down!" It worked very well most of the time. It certainly worked when I tried to potty-train my kids too early, had a disagreement with a neighbor, had a deadline to meet, my new car was dented, and even when we were ready to file for bankruptcy.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, by bottom line was suddenly pulled out from under me and rendered useless. This was a life-and-death situation. I no longer had a bottom line, and I was in a state of panic.

As I learned to live with my disease, I discovered a new bottom line: "No one knows if they will have tomorrow." I used to think that people who died unexpectedly from a heart attack or an accident were lucky to die instantly. I don't think so anymore.

Now when I hear about someone killed in a car accident or a plane crash or had a fatal heart attack, I wonder what they would have said and done differently in the past two years, the last two days, or even the last two hours, if they had known with absolute certainty that their life was going to end on that particular day.

I want to give you the same sense of urgency that I feel. You do not know how much time you have left to love your mate the way he or she deserves to be loved. Don't let another day go by without putting into action the plan I have outlined here:

• Kiss for at least ten seconds - every day.
• Compliment at least one thing your mate has said or done - every day.
• Talk and listen to each other for thirty minutes - every day.
• Hug for twenty seconds - every day.
• Stay connected sexually.
• Plan a fantasy for each other.
• Make love on the spur of the moment.
• Laugh together - every day.

We are here for such a short time that it is imperative to make that time count. Don't live a life filled with regrets. Love like there's no tomorrow, because for many people that will be their reality.