Dear Dr. Ellen: I have a daughter who is a single mother of my 6 year old grandson. They lived with me until Ben was 3, and we are very close. My daughter is getting married in a few months and has moved in with her fiance, Sam (whom I adore). He has two daughters, one of them being the same age as Ben. I really like both of his girls, but I really want to spend alone time with my grandson. The problem is that I want to pick Ben up from school sometimes, but the daughter who is his age, always wants to do or go wherever he goes. When my daughter approached her fiance, his comment was that his mother always includes Ben and would never think of picking up just the girls. I don't mind picking them up too, but it's just that sometimes I want to do things with just him. Am I being selfish? - Gina

Dear Gina: I believe that it is very important to spend time alone with each of the grandchildren. Each child needs that precious one-on-one time when all your attention is focused on him or her. I speak as a former teacher, relationship expert and grandmother, when I say that your instincts are 100% correct and your daughter and her fiance are wrong for making you feel badly about spending time alone with Ben. I do believe that right now, it is important for these children to bond and all three should be included as much as possible, but doing that all the time, cheats each child out of the quality time with his or her grandmother. That same principle applies to parents as well. If a parent does a good job, each child will feel connected and special because they enjoy some private time with each parent. It is definitely important for you to bond with your future granddaughters and I believe that will happen much more quickly, if each of them can spend some time alone with you. Making it a group outing, every single time, will cheat Ben out of the special bond you have developed. But, in the end, you don't want to create friction and so I think it is important that you come up with a solution that will be a win/win for everyone. Talk to your daughter and Sam and tell them that you would like to begin a "Special Day With Grandma" for each of the children. You might want to share my response with them and hopefully, they might see that what you want to do is actually very healthy for all the children. If Sam is as wonderful as you say he is, I can't imagine him not seeing this from a different point of view. After all, just because his mom does things a certain way, doesn't mean it's the right way. - Dr. Ellen