Dear Dr. Ellen: I have been dating a man for several months now. He is a very polished man, well-bred, so to speak. He went to the best schools this country has to offer (high school as well as university). The problem I'm experiencing is that of an emerging inferiority complex. It is, I believe, my own problem. He has done nothing to contribute to my feeling this way. But the more I get to know him, the more I realize that there is a gap, of considerable size, in our intelligence and just general knowledge of everything. This is concerning me. I am afraid that I will never be able to keep his interest on a long term basis. That is what I am interested in, a mutually satisfying long term relationship. So, I guess my question to you is this: What are the chances for couples who have this type of difference? What advice can you give to the partner, in a relationship like mine, who has the lesser IQ? Do you know of any relationships that have thrived with this difference? What was their recipe for success? - Josie

Dear Josie: There has been a great deal of research in the area of intelligence. What they have found was that some people are very intelligent in an academic way but lack "emotional intelligence" which I bet you have. Many people have advanced degrees and high scores on IQ tests but lack empathy and other areas of the heart that are necessary for a long term relationship. You obviously compliment him in some way or he wouldn't be interested in you. While he may have gone to the best schools, and has a great deal of general knowledge, you may be good at reading people and know how they feel. You may get along well with people in social situations, be able to persuade people to see your point of view and be a very hopeful and optimistic. Those are the skills necessary for emotional intelligence. It is being "street smart." It is simply a different way of being smart. In a good relationship we have lessons to learn from each other because we all have different strengths. Do you have chemistry with this man, do you laugh, and do you connect with him emotionally? If the answer is "Yes" then enjoy what he has to offer and realize that you have insights and observations about life that he can learn from you as well. I believe that opposites attract for a good reason. We each bring to the table, our own experiences, intuition and gut reaction to things. It would be too boring to be with someone who was a carbon copy of ourselves. Celebrate your differences and realize that they will lead to growth for both of you. - Dr. Ellen