Dear Dr. Ellen: My husband gave me the shock of my life a few weeks ago. He admitted to having an affair that has him believing that he may want to leave this marriage of 6 years to be with this woman. Just a few months prior to that we talked about starting a family. I was devastated and it took me a week to stop crying enough to go back to work. He's not sure what he wants to do and doesn't want to call it quits with me until he is positive that is what he wants to do. He's moved out of the house and has gotten an apartment. We have a black tie affair that we have paid for almost a year in advance. I had told him to forget the black tie affair and he said no we should go. It surprised me because under the circumstances I thought he would love to get out of that. Here's my question. I know we will both be drinking (not heavily but enough not to drive) and he'll certainly be in no condition to drive back to his apartment. The black tie affair is within walking distance of our home. I was thinking of having him come back home and stay in the guest room. Do you think that would be okay? - Angela

Dear Angela: This is such a personal decision on your part. Since you are asking for my advice, I would say to cancel the black tie affair and cut off contact with him abruptly for the time being. It is the only way he will miss you and realize what a fool he has been. One of the reasons he may not want to cut it off completely with you is that if it doesn't work out for him with this other woman, he still has you. If he feels that he may lose you while he's deciding then maybe he'll speed up the process. I'm concerned about your night together because if both of you have too much to drink then there is a good chance that you'll wind up in bed together. You will feel awful the next morning when he says nothing has changed for him. If you refuse to go to bed with him, knowing that he is in the next room you will feel lonely, desolate and empty. Either way this will be a no win situation for you. He's holding the cards for your future together and what he says the next morning might set you back to square one and hurting just like you did when he first shocked you. So it makes no difference whether he stays in the guest room or not. I think the few hours of hope and pleasure that you might experience will not be worth days of pain that will follow. That's my honest opinion and I hope I have not hurt you. I personally have always thought staying in limbo is worse than hitting rock bottom. At least when you hit rock bottom there is not where to go but up. Limbo is forever and prevents you from getting on with your life. Good luck. - Dr. Ellen