Dear Dr. Ellen: I'm involved in a very complicated relationship. The man
I've fallen in love with has broken up with his girlfriend, however they
share a child and she is 6 months pregnant. Although this sounds like
the problem, it's actually this: he has a very close female friend that
he's known for many years and they used to date. They have kept in
contact over the years; however she lives very far away. I'm concerned
about this relationship because he still speaks very fondly of her and
considers her to be one of his very best friends. I know that she also
thinks and feels very fondly of him. I'm worried that he may be denying
his true feelings for her, to himself and to me. Is she the one he
really wants to be with? - Meg
Dear Meg: You are correct. You are involved in a very complicated
relationship. It's not like his girlfriend, who is the mother of his
child, is in his past and he has gotten over her. Just six months ago
they made love and made a baby together and still didn't get married.
What kind of man breaks up with his girlfriend who has a child with him
and now is six months pregnant with his next child? You really should be
questioning his character. My guess is that you are involved with a man
who enjoys having several women in his life and tells each one a lie
about the other. I wonder what he has told his ex girlfriend and
"friend" about you. I don't think he is denying the feelings that he
has, to himself. I think he is denying the feelings he has for his ex
girlfriend and friend, to you. The more women in his life that he is
busy talking to, the less time he has to spend talking to you. If you
are in a serious relationship with this man, you should be his best
friend. It is with you that he should be sharing his hopes, dreams,
frustrations and daily experiences. Instead of asking me, "if she is the
one he really wants to be with", you should be asking yourself the
question, "Why would I want to be with a man who is so irresponsible
that he would leave his child and pregnant girlfriend? You deserve to
have a man who loves you with all his heart and soul and don't you
settle for anything else. - Dr. Ellen