Hello Dr. Ellen: What do you think about wives taking pictures of
themselves for their husbands, to let them know what they have? Or is
this asking for trouble? I happened to find out that my husband had
recently looked at several revealing pictures of women on an internet
auction. So I confronted him about it and I feel we're ok as long as
it's not something that happens again. I should have emailed you then,
to see why guys do that and how we should handle it. That was not his
nature at all but they weren't horrible pictures either, even though it
really hurt me that he saw what he saw and didn't come to me for it.
Well, I'm quite interested to know how you feel about all this. Thanks,
your student. - Jennifer
Dear Jennifer: The Internet is addicting and men have to use a lot of
self-control to stay away from it. There is so much spam going on now
and adult sites are sending unsolicited material right to everyone's
email address. Many men cannot help but take a peek and before they know
it, they are hooked. I am getting so many emails now from women who have
caught their husbands spending time on adult sites. Ages ago, a man had
to resort to going into a "sleazy" store in an undesirable part of town
to buy an adult video. Then, when video stores became main stream, they
kept the adult movies out of site, in the back of the store. The fear of
someone seeing you was enough to prevent most married men from renting
that type of video. Now, in the privacy of your home, it is difficult
for men to stay away and understand why it hurts their partner so much.
They don't consider it cheating and most women do.
Most men enjoy looking at beautiful women and get pleasure out of seeing
them in magazines and on the Internet. However, once a man falls in love
and gets married, he has more than himself to consider. My definition of
true love is, "When someone else's happiness and well-being is just as
important as your own." Hopefully, now that you have now told him how
unhappy his behavior made you feel, he'll respect that. I know he
wouldn't be very happy if you were viewing the same thing with men
online. The truth is that if he continues this behavior, you will turn
into an angry, cold, bitter and unresponsive woman.
A mature and loving man knows that he has to sacrifice certain things
for the sake of a marriage. When you become parents there are even more
sacrifices for the sake of the children. You may want to "party" till
4:00 a.m. but, if you are a responsible and loving parent, you know that
your child needs you to be alert the next day, so you don't! If looking
at naked women hurts your partner, then you simply control your impulses
and don't do it!
I think taking the glamour shots or what they call "boudoir photography"
is a great idea. It's a wonderful experience. You'll be shocked at how
classy and sexy you'll look. You can present it to your husband with a
cute note that says, "For Your Eyes Only." - Dr. Ellen
