Dear Dr. Ellen: I am a 34 year old male who has received your column for
the last 3 years. I've always wanted to write to you but never had the
guts. It's gotten so bad that I don't know who else to turn to and I am
hoping you can give me some guidance. I am embarrassed to say that my
wife has a terrible temper and beats me up. I always see TV shows about
domestic violence to women but I have never seen one on men. I'm not
sure if anyone has ever experienced what I am going through but I don't
think I can take much more of this. I'm too embarrassed to tell any of
my friends or family because I know they would laugh at me and think I
was a wimp. Every time my wife and I get into an argument, she
completely loses her temper and starts slapping me, kicking me, and then
it escalates into throwing dishes or whatever else she can get a hold
of. I have never hit a woman in my life because it's not the way I was
raised. I'm no angel but I don't deserve to be treated like this. She's
talking about having kids and I can't imagine a child dealing with her
temper. Please help. - Carl
Dear Carl: First of all, you are not alone. The first thing you must do
is gather as much information as you can about your situation. Thank
goodness we have the Internet because all the information you'll ever
want is there. According to a site called www.batteredmen.com there are
850,000 men who are battered each year. My advice for you would be the
same as it would be to a woman who was being abused. You need to remove
yourself from this situation and not come back until she agrees to get
help. Your wife needs to recognize that she has a serious problem and it
is not going to go away without some professional help. I don't think
she'll come to that realization until you leave and she realizes that
she is going to lose you. A woman who abuses her husband will abuse her
children as well. You are 100% correct in not wanting to put a child in
this dangerous environment. I'm very proud of you asking for help and I
know that my subscribers will have words of encouragement for you.
Please call your a local domestic violence hot line in your area and try
and see a counselor. Many shelters now are taking calls from men as
well. At the very least, the next time this happens, call 911 and file a
police report. If you have to, get a restraining order. I don't think
for one minute that this is a laughing matter. Your life may depend on
what you decide to do! - Dr. Ellen
