Dear Dr. Ellen: My husband says that since the birth of our baby, he feels very distant from me. We have been married for 5 years and it took 3 years for me to get pregnant so I take motherhood very seriously. Here is where I need your help. Our son, who is 8 months old, sleeps in our bed every night. My husband resents that, but I feel that a child needs closeness and comfort and it's much easier than getting up and going into his room every time he cries. A child is this needy for only a short time and I think it's selfish for my husband to act needy as well. - Carol

Dear Carol: For years I've heard this complaint mostly from men - that once their child starts sharing their bed, they feel very distant from their wives and their sex life becomes nonexistent. After all, if the child is in your bed, you are not going to be cuddling, kissing, wearing a sexy nightgown or sleeping in each other's arms. The other problem I have with having your child sleeping in your bed is that you actually train your child to need you physically close in order for them to fall asleep. So forget about ever going out on a date or going away for a weekend getaway. You can't keep catering to your child's needs and forget about your husband's needs. Eventually your relationship is going to be destroyed. Listen to my rule: THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN MUST BE STRONGER AND OF A HIGHER PRIORITY THAN THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A PARENT AND A CHILD. When a child is the center of attention, and everything revolves around the child, everyone including the child, suffers. Because, without realizing it, little by little, day by day, you'll lose your identity as a woman, a wife and a lover and just become "mommy" 24 hours a day. I never thought twice about taking my own children into our bed with us when they were scared or sick. In a few days the cold cleared up, the diaper rash disappeared, the tooth finally cut through the gum or the fever was gone and it was time for my child to return to their own bed. There's a big difference with sharing your bed sometimes and sharing your bed all the time.

Take your husband's feelings seriously and remember, what's best for your son is for mommy and daddy to love each other. I vote for teaching your son that it is his responsibility to fall asleep on his own, and if he should wake up in the middle of the night.... to fall back asleep on his own. You reclaim your social life, your sex life and your own restful sleep. - Dr. Ellen.