Dear Dr. Ellen: I've been married for 9 years and I have two children
ages 2 and 5. Here's my problem. I work part time and never feel that
there are enough hours in the day to get everything done. I'll admit
that sex is the last thing that's on my list because I'm exhausted most
of the time. My husband used to try and give me a kiss on the lips but I
usually turned away. Now he doesn't even try anymore. I heard you on a
talk show, talking about how important kissing is and I am embarrassed
to say that now all I get is a peck on the cheek or forehead. How can I
get back his kisses before he decides to give them to someone else? -
Lisa
Dear Lisa: When a couple stands at the alter and vows to love each
other, "Till death do us part," they take for granted that they will be
intimately connected forever. The kiss at the end of the ceremony
symbolizes that connection. The kiss, as far as I'm concerned, is the
core of a relationship. It is a barometer of how things are going. If a
couple is not kissing then they are having sex, not making love. If you
are no longer kissing passionately, your relationship is in trouble.
Most couples aren't even aware of when their relationship started
changing. What started out as a passionate relationship, over time
becomes a friendship. One day you wake up and realize, "Oh, my gosh,
we're roommates and no longer lovers!
Well, I'm here to tell you that you can keep your friend but you must
get your lover back too. When you give someone a peck on the cheek, that
says, "I love you," but a 10-second kiss says, "I'm still in love with
you!" Of all the homework assignments I give, the 10-second kiss has the
most immediate and dramatic effect. If you give it in the morning it
sets the tone for the rest of the day and if you give it in the evening
it sets the mood for the rest of the evening. It's not your brother,
sister peck on the cheek that feels comfortable and platonic. It's a
passionate kiss that makes you feel warm, close and connected.
The plan is simple. I want you to shock your husband this week and give
him a passionate 10-second kiss. You can do it in the morning or evening
but I want it to be a surprise. I don't want the two of you having a
conversation over whether or not you should do this. The only way that
you are going to see the results is to just do it! When he says, "What's
gotten into you, you can tell him, "We are not going to be just mommy
and daddy anymore or roommates. From now on we are going to be lovers!
Whenever we haven't seen each other for a long period of time, that's
the way we are going to greet each other from now on!"
Before you kiss, you may feel embarrassed, uncomfortable, tense, annoyed
or distant. After, I promise, you'll feel close, warm and connected.
When we kiss, we are exchanging our breath with one another. When we
exchange breath, we are breathing in our mate's life force, his energy
and he is breathing in ours. In this way we become one. This is why this
is such an intimate act. By the way, the longest kiss in the "The
Guinness Book of World Records," is 417 hours. Just be glad I'm only
asking you to kiss for 10 seconds! - Dr. Ellen.
