Dear Dr. Ellen,
I wanted to let you know what has happened with my marriage. Yes! You
should know the answer....you were a blessing to find! My story was so
similar to many others and it is a long one. I will not bore you with it
all but last Labor Day my husband said to me quite out of the blue, "I
love you, but I'm not in love with you?." He said there wasn't another
woman but he was considering a divorce. Luckily for our marriage, I
didn't find out all the details (yes, there was another woman) in the
beginning of our journey, but only slowly learned of his deceit and
adultery. My husband has a problem with conflict and over the years he
let so many things fester within him about our marriage and about me
that when his brother decided to leave his wife (these brothers are
twins) he coerced him to come along. They began team truck driving and
his brother played a big part in bashing me and talking my husband into
so many evil plans with these two other women that lived on the other
side of the country. Of course my husband could have said no but he has
followed his brother's lead ever since they were little....which was
indeed been a problem for us.
At the time, he had said he didn't want to do any marriage counseling. I
decided then that I loved him so much and that I needed to change. I
blamed myself for so much of our problems but ultimately realized later
that a lot of my actions were the result of his actions - they were the
catalyst. But, the spiral downward was definitely there-we realize now
how we BOTH played a major role in it.
I prayed a lot about the changes I needed to make because I knew I
couldn't change him. And I prayed for Our Father to define my path. I
knew I couldn't do this on my own - that I would need more help so I
typed in "marriage counseling" on Google and there was your website...I
ordered your "Light His Fire" the same day because I saw that I could
possibly be helped by what you had to say and I wanted your help as
quickly as possible. Everyday I took a walk after work with you.....you
became my friend......and of course at the time I didn't think there was
another woman...but you gave me hope and helped me realize what I needed
to do. I should have listened to what you had to say a LONG time ago.
Everyone in a relationship should!
I started talking positively to my husband and reinforced how I felt
about him.....all the good things that I fell in love with. These were
soft things he had not heard in a long time. My husband only came home
three times in a four month period from Sept. to Dec. But through it all
he noticed changes in me during our phone calls...and a change in my
appearance from weight loss and just a general softening to my
character. The final result was that after another setback over the
holidays, he came home in January....asked for my forgiveness and we've
been happily back together ever since. It's been amazingly good! Of
course there have been a lot of issues we have had to deal with and it
has been difficult knowing he has been with another woman.....but he had
the strength to finally break from his brother and this other woman who
were railroading him to a life that would have probably been not what
they promised.
We know that a higher presence and the faith in our lives had so much to
do with our reconciliation and the path chosen for us....but you, Dr.
Ellen were my catalyst for moving forward and starting the change....you
helped me with my direction and steps I needed to take. I now know that
by fulfilling my husband's needs, mine will be fulfilled and already are
in the most wonderful ways.
Since my husbands return, his brother's adulterous romance has ended
(the woman saw how self-centered he was) and he did get a divorce. He is
now living with the woman my husband was seeing across the country and
it is a difficult situation because she continues to email him although
my husband doesn't respond. He is ignoring the emails....has let me look
at everything. And hopefully she will go away?. He admits he never loved
her and says he was just mad at me and with his brother's insistence
that he go where he goes (team drivers, you know) it was just too easy
to escape. I see my husband becoming stronger and more independent
because he is feeling more important.....thanks to me (and your
guidance). He is able to stand up to his brother. I've gone on and on
but wanted you to know how thankful I am that you made those CDs. I am
presently listening to them again. And we are repairing our foundation
to be stronger than ever. Thank you, Dr. Ellen. I wish you and yours the
very best life has to offer.
Kindest regards,
Isabella Lorenz
Woodland Park, Colorado
