Dear Dr. Ellen: I am a 40 year old mother of 6 and grandma of one! I
have just met the most wonderful man who is 24 years old. We get along
really well. We dance together. We have dinner together and we just
clicked the moment I met him. The question for you is, do you think he
is too young for me? Do I sound like one of those ladies that seem dirty
or desperate because they can't get someone their own age? Also, my
oldest daughter is 22.
Then there is my mom and step-dad who really want me to find someone of
our faith. I am not attracted to anyone else and I am being pulled in a
lot of ways. I'm confused about this. Should I find someone who I am not
interested in and has the same faith or should I follow my heart and try
to make it work with a man with whom I have a lot of things in common?
The only thing I really think about is that this younger man he will
want kids of his own some day and I don't want any more children. My
youngest is 5 years old. I went through two breakups in 20 years and I
finally want to be happy. I think I found that someone. What should I
do? - Rhonda
Dear Rhonda: You do not sound like one of those ladies that seem dirty
or desperate because they can't get someone their own age. In Hollywood,
it has always been acceptable to read about the romances of older men
with younger women. For example, Michael Douglas, who is 60 years old,
is married to Catherine Zeta-Jones, who is 34. That is a 26 year age
difference. The latest couple to make the headlines is Tom Cruise, who
is 42 and Katie Holmes, who is 26.
There was a time when it wasn't acceptable for women to be with much
younger men. For the longest time, no matter how much we praised
ourselves for giving equal rights to women, when it came to dating there
was always a different attitude. While men have had the freedom to
choose a woman of any age, women were expected to date men in their own
age group. Not anymore! May/December romances are on the rise. I did
some research. Now we are starting to see many older women with younger
men. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins,
Madonna and Guy Ritchie are just a few examples of longer lasting
relationships. A couple who is now withstanding the test of time is Demi
Moore and Ashton Kutcher. They met when he was 25 and she was 41. I
could go on and on with other examples. I believe that you should
embrace love wherever you find it. If there are two consenting adults
who have enough in common and feel an emotional, physical and spiritual
connection, I say, go for it!
However, in your case, you have a problem that is much bigger than age.
I always feel that for many people, religion and children are deal
breakers. At some point, before this gets too serious, you need to
discuss these two major concerns. If that can't be worked out, then you
should definitely move on because it will only lead to heartache down
the road. - Dr. Ellen