Dear Dr. Ellen: My husband and I work at the same company but on different shifts. Recently, my husband was told by someone he works with that I have cheated on him. I don't know you and you don't know me so I have no reason to lie. I've never in all of the years we have been married, cheated on my husband. The person who did this told my husband that she saw me coming out of someone's house on a street that I am not even familiar with. Then he said that when he mentioned this to a few more people, they all said, and I quote, "They suspected something of the sort." I guess my question is, how does a person prove they're innocent about something they've never done. I'm innocent but if I were in my husband's shoes, I think I would believe it too, if two or more people are saying it. He refuses to let me confront these individuals to get to the truth. I'm not worried about what they're saying because God knows and I know it's not true but what does upset me is my husband believes it. I've been with this man for years and he can't even give me the benefit of the doubt? He just continues to believe some people who are spreading a bunch of lies. I think, no, I know, I deserve better. I can't be with a man that can't trust me or vice versa. I feel marriage is about trust and sometimes your are put to the test. My husband is failing miserably. Some people see you happy, loving one other and they can't handle it. They have to drive a wedge between you. How can I prove that I'm innocent when he won't tell me who's saying such awful things? - Carrie

Dear Carrie: You are 100% correct in that marriage is about trust. If you can't trust your spouse, who in the world can you trust? There is something very wrong with your marriage if, you too, would trust a group of people instead of your husband. If someone accused me or my husband of being unfaithful or committing a terrible crime, we would trust each other completely and not care if the entire world said we were guilty. The fact that this is happening to you means you really have to ask yourself a very hard question, "Why would I stay with a man who takes another person's word over mine?" You are right, I don't know you or your husband, but there is absolutely no reason for you to write to me if you were guilty. How dare your husband treat you with such disrespect and not defend your honor!! One of the things I teach men is that every woman needs a man who will defend her against anyone who dishonors her in any way. And then to add insult to injury, he has the nerve to keep you from knowing who said these things. There is either something very wrong with your husband's allegiance or he's lying to you and made this up himself.

Many times when someone accuses another person of being unfaithful or untrustworthy, or lying, it is a sign that they themselves are that way. If he accuses you of lying, it's because he lies. If he accuses you of looking at another man, it's because he looks at other women. If he is accusing you of being unfaithful, it's because he is unfaithful. We always see others through our own actions. He is projecting his own faults and shortcomings onto you. We teach others how we want to be treated and you need to raise the bar.

You asked me how you can prove that you are innocent. The answer is that you can't. All you have is your word. If that is not good enough for your husband, you certainly cannot stay in a marriage where you are being punished for something you never did." So, here is what you say to your husband. "I have repeatedly told you that I am not having an affair. I will not continue repeating this over and over. You can take the next 24 hours and decide whether you believe me or not. If you choose to believe other people and their word means more to you than mine, then we will have to separate. I will not continue to be punished for something I didn't do. I don't care if 1000 people tell you that I have been unfaithful. After all these years, you should know me well enough to defend my reputation. It should be you and I against the world and not you and the world against me." If he continues the accusations, you'll have to make arrangements to leave. Under no circumstances should you allow him back in your life until he is willing to confront this person in front of you. You deserve that! - Dr. Ellen