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Relationship Counseling: My boyfriend married another woman
Dear Dr. Ellen: I had been seeing this man for 9 months when something bizarre happened. When we first met, he had just recently come out of an ugly divorce. He wanted to take things VERY slowly as he was nervous and I did everything you suggested in your program. I gave him space but constantly built him up, etc. He always told me how important I was to him and that he knew I was "the one" but that he needed time. Well, I went to visit my family and when I got back he had got married that afternoon to a woman he met on the internet 3 weeks before! I'm confused. Surely this isn't love. He told me he still wants us to be best friends. I told him that to me marriage is very sacred and it is not appropriate that he should expect us to remain close. Any thoughts? How did this happen? - Peggy
Dear Peggy: You have fallen in love with a very confused man who is not over his divorce yet. I pity this new woman who is dumb enough to marry a man she has only known for 3 weeks, especially having just been through an ugly divorce. Of course, the other possibility is that this man has lied to you and all along has been seeing this other woman. That's why he said he wanted to take things, "Very slowly". I have found that whenever a man's or woman's behavior makes no sense, most of the time there is someone else that they are either involved with or interested in. When their mate finally finds that out, everything makes sense. He sounds to me like a very sneaky man who conveniently planned to get married while you were out of town. Be his best friend? Not on your life! A best friend would never do what he did. He has no morals or character and you do not need someone like that in your life. You can either call or write him a letter and let him know that you do not want to be in contact any longer. Wish him happiness with his new wife and remind him that you do not need any more friends.
What you are looking for and deserve is a committed relationship with a man who loves you with all his heart and soul.
If you stay in contact with him, it will only prevent you from moving on. You did everything right. You just did it to someone who has a damaged soul. You did nothing to cause that damage and you could not in those short 9 months make up for a lifetime of
hurt and pain that this man has experienced. If it makes you feel any better, he will be divorced shortly and he will call you again. It will be up to you to protect yourself from this impulsive and conniving man who will only cause you more heartache than you are experiencing right now. Give yourself time and permission to grieve. He violated your
trust and shocked you with unexpected behavior. It could take you as much as a year to get over this. - Dr. Ellen
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