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Relationship Counseling: My fiancee cancelled our wedding
Dear Dr. Ellen: I don't think I'll ever get over the pain I've been feeling for the past six months. My girlfriend and I were together for 2 years and planning to get married. I'm 28 and she's 26. Three months before the wedding she told me that she didn't love me anymore and she didn't want to see me again. I was shocked and did everything I
could to convince her to stay. It turns out she was interested in someone that she worked with. I'm so depressed and can't snap out of it like my friends want me to do. I'll never find anyone who will take her place. - Matt
Dear Matt: Give yourself permission to grieve. This is like a death and it will take time to heal. How much time is completely up to you and not your friends? It may take at least a year or even more. While you may not think so now, your pain will force you to grow as a human being. Pain is our greatest teacher. Regardless of where the pain comes from, there are always lessons to be learned. Illness teaches us to appreciate health. Poverty teaches us to appreciate prosperity. Times of turmoil teach us to appreciate times of peace. And even death, the biggest source of pain, teaches us to appreciate life. As hard as it might be to understand, pain is a gift. Physical pain alerts you to a problem in your body that needs attention. Emotional pain does the same thing. It tells you that there is a lesson that you need to learn so you can grow stronger. I know that you are going through a great deal of turmoil right now and you may be experiencing anger, guilt, depression and many other feelings on a daily basis. Take this time to gain as much knowledge as you can, by reading, listening to audio tapes and even getting some counseling. Most importantly, take time to sit quietly, without any distractions, and reflect on your pain and what you think you're supposed to learn from it. I've heard from thousands of men and women who have been through what you've been through, that years later when they finally met their lifelong mate, they are so glad that they didn't marry the "heart breaker" because it never would have lasted. As the Garth Brooks song says, "Thank God for unanswered prayers." - Dr. Ellen.
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