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Relationship Counseling: Nervous about dating again
Dear Dr. Ellen: I am 40 years old and divorced for over 10 years. I met a woman online and we hit it off immediately. We've been talking for 3 weeks and found out that we live only 30 miles from each other. I am nervous about asking her out. Any suggestions for my first date would be welcome. - William
Dear William: Whether it happens when you are sixteen or sixty, going on a first date is one of the best ways I know to get your adrenaline flowing and your heart pumping. Even if you've gotten to know your date through e-mail and then on the phone, there's something about the first meeting that makes your heart pound, your palms perspire, and your mouth go dry.
I actually get asked your question a lot. It's a good idea to stay away from very noisy places. You'll want to be somewhere where you can have a conversation without straining to hear or having to yell over the noise of the crowd. I also advise against going to a movie on your first date. The movies may have been a safe bet when you were in high school, not having to worry about what to say to keep a conversation going. But, as an adult trying to find a compatible mate, you want to spend your first meeting getting to know each other. It is a waste of your time and money sitting in a movie theater where you can't interact or look at each other. If you are too uncomfortable sitting in a cafe talking for an hour and a half or two hours and feel you need some form of entertainment to take the pressure off, there are many other activities where you will be entertained and still able to get to know each other.
At a sporting event you can at least talk about the action and cheer your team. Going bowling, playing miniature golf, shooting a game of pool, going to a video arcade or an amusement park or just taking a row boat onto a lake, are all fun activities where you can have a good time and get to know someone. Visiting a museum, going to the zoo or to the beach, or visiting an aquarium are all good choices as well.
Remember that the purpose of the first date is not romance, it is discovery. Ideally, you want to have the opportunity to learn about each other in a comfortable setting for both of you. Here's to a wonderful first date. - Dr. Ellen
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