Dear Dr. Ellen: My husband and I will be in the delivery room with my daughter and her husband in about 2 weeks. The problem is that my ex-husband, my daughter's biological dad and his wife (my daughter's step mom for the past 10 years) want to be there as well. I have a lot of resentment toward this woman because she was the reason my husband left me. I have made my peace with my ex and am happily married to a wonderful man who has been an incredible step-dad to my daughter. However, the thought of sharing this moment with this other woman will be more than I can handle. I know she has been part of my daughter's life for a long time but I don't know what to do with my feelings. I don't want our first grandchild to be born in a room filled with hostile feelings. What do I say and what do I do to make this an enjoyable experience for my husband instead of the dread that he is feeling? - JoAnn

Dear JoAnn: First of all, the only one that should be in the delivery room when your daughter gives birth is her husband. I feel that this is such a big mistake that so many families make. The moment of birth is such an intense experience. That intimate and personal moment when a child is born, should be just as private as conception is. It should not be a family affair. So, I feel that the entire family should be waiting outside of the delivery room. This day is not about you, your ex, his wife or your husband. This is about making your daughter and her husband feel as comfortable and happy as possible. It is up to the doctor to let the rest of the family know when and how many can come in to see her after she delivers. Your daughter has enough to worry about without being also concerned with everyone else's feelings on the day she is delivering her baby. Let your daughter know that you have had a change of heart and that this really should be a private moment between her and her husband. Then, if she agrees, she should explain the new change of plans to her dad and his wife. She can just say that she and her husband have decided that they will be the only ones in the delivery room and everyone will come in once she gives birth. Hopefully, they will respect her wishes. I believe that your daughter and her husband will be forever grateful if their best interest is on everyone's mind for this one day and all jealousy and resentment is set aside.

As a grandparent myself, I can tell you that there is nothing you have to do or say to make this an enjoyable experience for everyone. The moment each one of you gets to hold the baby in his or her arms, you will be in awe and experience pure joy. Nothing else will matter except the knowledge that you are all holding a miracle in your arms. - Dr. Ellen