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Relationship Counseling: The importance of friendship
Dr. Ellen: Please don't think I want a response, because I know you have a lot of people to help. Maybe something I tell you will help someone else. Two years ago I signed up with Classmates and a man I had gone to high school with, contacted me. We were friends all through school from the 8th grade until graduation night. I can remember
helping him with an English class assignment, and we were in other classes together all through the 5 years, and he'd come around and talk to me or tease me in between classes at the "lockers" when we had to switch books, etc.
His name is Sam and he was the only big brother I ever had, and the best one anyone ever had. We had only one date in our senior year because he had to help his father in the family business and worked from the time school was out until 10:00 p.m. every night. I never knew this and after graduation never saw or heard from him again. He told me on e-mail from a city 1500 miles away that he had gone into the army and had looked for me, driving over to a neighborhood where he thought I lived, and he also told me and seemed hurt when he told me that I didn't even wait for him to get a job and a car, but got married soon after school (December of the same year).
What I wanted to say to you is that I felt so impressed on e-mail to encourage him and tell him that I loved him and that my son and I were praying for him. Frequently I would sign with "Luv" or "Hugs". His wife is chronically ill with lung disease and he has taken care of her for years. I learned this from another classmate who has been in touch and has seen him at reunions. He told me also. I felt sorry for him somehow, because he was always so sweet and caring about everyone else and keeping us all in touch. He needed somebody to tell him that he is loved, and 2 months ago had a stroke and has not regained his speech.
I may never hear from him again, and he may never be able to e-mail me again, so I am so very, very happy that God gave me a year and one-half to have fun e-mailing (NO pornography - nothing like that at all), and he made me squeal with laughter which I
had not done for years, and my disabled son was so pleased to see me laughing again. God was good to let me know that it was alright to tell my friend Frank that I loved him, while I had a chance. - Paula
Dear Paula: Thank you for sharing such a touching story with me. Everything happens for a reason and Sam may surprise you. Many people recover from strokes as evidenced by Michael Douglas's father, Kirk Douglas. It may take some time and a lot of work on his part, but he may regain his ability to speak.
You both sound like such dedicated and loyal people; he taking care of his wife and you taking care of your son. It sounds like you have a very strong bond with this man and if you can at all arrange it, you may want to consider visiting him. Since his wife is so critically ill, he may welcome the company and it may be the incentive to have him fight a little harder. I don't think that anyone in his family would take offense if you introduced yourself as a high school friend of his and explain that you have kept in touch for the last year and a half by email.
We are all here for such a short time. To be able to connect and touch another human being's life is what it is all about. I am sure that you provided him with companionship and understanding for the last year and a half through your emails. This man has
obviously made a difference in your life. Why not go to him in his time of need? Can you imagine if the tables were turned how much it would mean to you if he paid you a visit. I know it is probably difficult for you to get away having a disabled son, but if you can manage it, I think it would mean the world to him and it would make you really feel good as well.
Again, I am so deeply touched by your email and the fact that you felt safe enough with me to share your story. - Dr. Ellen
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