Dear Dr. Ellen: When my wife decided that she wanted to go back to school to get her Master's Degree I was very supportive. I get home fairly early to help out with dinner and the chores. I don't mind making sacrifices for her sake but now I find that our 5-year-old son is suffering because of her decision. I have a lot of resentment toward her and have no solution to a recurring problem. My son loves to play with his trucks and army soldiers. My wife's nerves are shot. She has a lot of studying to do and she expects our son to be quiet. She gets mad at him for being too noisy and then gets mad at me for not backing her up. I happen to love the fact that he's able to amuse himself and use his imagination and the noise doesn't bother me at all. I know you are supposed to present a united front for the sake of the child but I feel like she is the one that needs to relax a little. What do you think? - Kevin

Dear Kevin: I don't feel it is necessary to be in complete agreement about a particular situation or present a "united front." Children know what is going on. They know exactly which parent is pretending to agree with the other and many times all that does is leave the child feeling angry and resentful toward that parent. You can be true to your own feelings and still respect your wife's needs. Sit your son down and tell him that you need to talk to him about something very important. Tell him, "Mom is getting annoyed and upset more easily these days because she has a lot of pressure to pass her tests. "If I'm not home, you try to do some quiet-time activities - like coloring or playing with your sticker collection or watching TV or listening to your story tapes. When I get home, I'll take you to the park and you can run, yell, scream and make all the noise you want." This way you are telling your son the truth about what is really going on. A child can accept an honest, clear message that goes along with a parent's true feelings. As for your wife, I would suggest that she use a local library a few nights a week when you are home so she can get the quiet time she needs. It is important for all of you to deal with this as a family and come up with a solution that everyone can live with. - Dr. Ellen