| |
Should Marriage Requires Telling The Truth?
Dear Dr. Ellen: I have been the primary care-giver for my husband's aunt for the last two years. She died last month and her daughters just gave me a check for $10,000.00.They stressed that the money is for me to do with what I want. I also will be getting another check for the same amount when her house sells.
I believe the reason it was stressed that the money should be for me is two-fold. First, my aunt and I were very close. Even though she was technically my husband's aunt, she was more like mine and I was the one who was there for her. Secondly, when my husband and I separated 2 1/2 years ago, he stayed with this aunt. When he came back home, he just told her he was leaving and never really made
any attempt to go visit or help her out. I know from what she said that she was very hurt by this.
Dr. Ellen, I owed $4,500.00 on a charge that my husband wasn't aware of (it's for my business). My husband and I owed an old counselor $2,000.00. I had just borrowed $1,500.00 from my dad to do things around the house. I paid off my charge; I'm sending the money to the counselor, paying back my dad and tithing $1,000.00. That leaves $1,000.00 which I'm using for a business conference.
Do I need to tell my husband about the $$$? He probably wouldn't be happy about what I owed on the charge. I'm sure he'll be fine with everything else. I just don't know if I want to rock the boat. But I also feel like I'm deceiving him by not telling him. So, you have any advice for me? Thank you and blessings. - Reba
Dear Reba: As for your dilemma, I wish you had asked for my advice before you went ahead and spent the money. I believe that when two people are married, they have an obligation to make joint decisions on major issues. Certainly, $20,000 qualifies as a major issue. I don't blame your husband for getting very upset when he finds this out after the fact. You feel like you are deceiving him because you are!
It's really hard for me to understand why you wouldn't consider this check to belong to both of you, regardless of what your aunt's daughters said to you. I really don't know how you are going to present this to him, but you are definitely going to rock the boat, no matter what you say. I believe in the saying, "The truth shall set you free" but in this case the truth is going to cause havoc in your marriage. I feel that the alternative is worse. The person who keeps the secret is always the one who
ends up suffering the most. My advice is to admit what you did and tell him that the next $10,000 will be used any way he feels it should. - Dr. Ellen
Past Advice Column Articles
To solve your marriage problems without marriage counseling, visit Dr. Ellen's marriage counseling home page
| |
