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Relationship Counseling: You don't need your kid's approval to date
Dear Dr. Ellen: I am a single mom who is ready to date again. I met a man that I work with who is very nice and has asked me to have dinner with him. The problem is that my two teenage children who are 14 and 16 are very vocal about not wanting me to go out on any date. It's been only the three of us for many years and they don't want anything to
change. I am torn between putting my needs ahead of my kids' needs. - Joan
Dear Joan: Putting your needs before your child's needs is not a reason to feel guilty. The mother who sacrifices her own happiness for the sake of the children is the epitome of a martyred mother who winds up saddling her children with a lifetime load of guilt. Think of it this way: If you meet your needs, you're saving your children from feeling guilty for depriving you. One great gift you give your children is the example of a healthy, happy adult. Your kids take cues from you and watch every move you make. If you're taking care of yourself by enjoying life and the people in it, you'll teach them to do the same thing in their own adult life someday. You do not need approval from your children to date! Your decision to date must come from your own readiness to have a social life. When you feel ready and secure about your decision, your children will sense that and eventually feel secure themselves. If you're undecided and look to them for the okay to date, you'll never get it. So, when you're ready, inform them when you're going and what time you'll be back. Go out and have a good time. You deserve it! - Dr. Ellen.
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