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Couples Counseling: Younger man with an older woman
Dear Dr. Ellen: What is your perspective on extreme age differences between a couple? I am 32 years old, was married for 3 years and divorced a year ago. I have been dating many people in the last year, but one in particular more regular. We get along GREAT,
are very compatible, have similar interests, good conversations, very attracted to each other, respect each other, and just enjoy time together. The problem is he's 10 years younger than me. Yes, that would make him 22! BUT, he moved out on his own when he was 18, got a great job, bought his own house, and is extremely responsible. So he got a head start on those of us who went to college and weren't on our own until 21 or 22. He's extremely mature, everyone who meets him can't believe his age. He says he has an "old soul". Do you think the age difference is a big deal that could cause issues I don't foresee? My family is totally against us. They don't want to see me get hurt again. But we are in love with each other and find it difficult to end it just because of age. There are no other problems between us. What do you think? - Lori
Dear Lori: I say, "Follow your heart." Make decisions about your life as if you had 6 months to live. If that were the case, would you continue to see him? If the answer is "yes" then you'll have to let everyone know that it's better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. He is young and the probability of his wanting his freedom in a few years is pretty high. The real question is, "If you knew with absolute certainty that he would want to break up with you when he was 29, would you want to spend the next 7 years with him?" Only you can answer that question. Of course, if marriage is in your future with this man, one question comes to mind that you may want to ask. Do you want
children and does he? If you both do, but he wants to wait until he's 30, that could be an issue for you. I know a wonderful couple who were neighbors of ours many years ago and were in a similar situation. The young man was 23 when he married his wife who was 38 at the time (a 15 year difference!) She had 3 children by her previous husband and one of them was almost her new husband's age. They were madly in love and had 2 more
children together. It proved to me that when it comes to "true love" there is no age barrier. - Dr. Ellen
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